The beavers have lost my respect, and their capitals.

I know this is a week late, but I'm still boiling over it. The wazzoo yahoos beat a JV girls volleyball team. Maybe it was the freshman squad, or some of the JV girls had a slumber party the night before and got injured in a pillow fight over a Twilight argument, I dunno.

Anyway, freakin cougs. Really? You beat a Pac-10 team? Really? I suppose I should be more angry at Oregon State. Thanks for nothin, beavs. From hence, your name shall never be capitalized again. You have given up the honor of a capital letter in front of "eavers."

Can I be too disappointed? I mean, their mascot is a wood-eating wannabe marmot with a tail that looks like a dead belt. What the hell guys? What committee of epic geniuses decided this would make an inspiring sports representative? I thought my high school mascot was bad.

Quick fun fact: Did you know the beavs were a ranked team when the Huskies beat them in double OT this year? Yes, you heard correctly, the buck-toothed water lemmings had a national ranking less than 5 weeks ago. I'm not sure what this says about our team, or the expert analystical types who got fooled by a JV girls volleyball squad.

At least the Huskies put the smack down on the Bruins. See? Bruins is still capitalized. They even beat Texas. They also beat the cougs, which everybody and their stepmom was doing quite easily until the raggedy-ass soggybottom wombats showed the world what frauds they really are.

Jeez.

The cougars are so bad, it's good.

What gives me pleasure this fall, what with every team in Seattle either dead, gone, or both? That the cougs still suck too.

It's small comfort, and petty, but it's like a hot cup of cocoa on a snowy day. No matter how bad the Mariners, Seahawks, Huskies or my fantasy team get, the cougs are there to remind everyone that they're worse. Much worse. Warm, comforting cup of milk before bedtime with dreams of sugarplums in your head worse. It's nice, really.

Also, I have neglected my annual "Can the cougs beat a JV girls volleyball team" column. The answer is still no. They did keep it close with Cal this weekend, but still, no. Not unless the JV girls volleyball team is from Montana State, then possibly yes, but really, no.

Thank you, cougs, for making this decrepit sports season bearable. Barely.

Great story on Price

I had to re-post this Jerry Brewer article on Keith Price's day at Oregano, I mean Oregon. Two things I liked about it; First, Price's attitude, and second, Brewer's oh-so-accurate comment on Locker's tenure as a Husky. Yes, the following about sums it up...

"And so life without Jake Locker looked a lot like life with Jake Locker, which looked a lot like life immediately before Jake Locker."

Ouch, and dang.

Santa over Seahawks

Watching the Seahawks begs the question: what else could I be doing with my time?

You see, I do enjoy watching football, but the Seahawks don't really play football. They play a grown up version of tag, where no one tries to score and everybody runs around yelling and falling over themselves. If they did play football I would be way more interested, but as it is there hasn't been a whole lot of return on investment for my interest. Some players can be entertaining like Marshawn Lynch, who has a very scary last name and hits people like a drunk truck, but on the whole, meh.

We have a QB who is an old, bald, broken spokesperson for healthy bracelets, and a backup QB who apparently has more facial hair than talent.

You know what's interesting? Other teams, bunny rabbits, and commercials with fighting robots. I would love to have a fighting robot, I really would. I would use it to get parking spaces, free coffee, and Santa Claus. Not to beat up Santa mind you, but to make him take me to the North Pole to hang out with the elves and unicorns and drink cocoa and play with all the toys forever and ever.

You know what else is interesting? The graphic on the T.V. that says Hasselbeck: Inactive (head). I suppose if there is something wrong with your head you shouldn't be active.

-- Sent from my Palm Pre