Santa over Seahawks

Watching the Seahawks begs the question: what else could I be doing with my time?

You see, I do enjoy watching football, but the Seahawks don't really play football. They play a grown up version of tag, where no one tries to score and everybody runs around yelling and falling over themselves. If they did play football I would be way more interested, but as it is there hasn't been a whole lot of return on investment for my interest. Some players can be entertaining like Marshawn Lynch, who has a very scary last name and hits people like a drunk truck, but on the whole, meh.

We have a QB who is an old, bald, broken spokesperson for healthy bracelets, and a backup QB who apparently has more facial hair than talent.

You know what's interesting? Other teams, bunny rabbits, and commercials with fighting robots. I would love to have a fighting robot, I really would. I would use it to get parking spaces, free coffee, and Santa Claus. Not to beat up Santa mind you, but to make him take me to the North Pole to hang out with the elves and unicorns and drink cocoa and play with all the toys forever and ever.

You know what else is interesting? The graphic on the T.V. that says Hasselbeck: Inactive (head). I suppose if there is something wrong with your head you shouldn't be active.

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Seattle is the new USC

I haven't posted in a while, but I had to share this. I have no idea if Carroll will be any good up here, but at least he has some personality. I also can't believe he agreed to do this, but since he's been replaced already, why not?

I can't imagine Mora pulling this off. Or Holmgren, for that matter.

Seahawks eat cupcakes for breakfast

After watching the Hawks opener on tape delay, I'm left with a couple of thoughts. One; things are not all right with Hasselbeck just quite yet, and two; the Rams still suck.

It's as if the Seahawks were a Division 1 football team who scheduled an NAIA school to come to town so they could run up the score, try some things out and generally not be tested at all until conference play started. Woohoo, what a show. Here's to the thought that when the Seahawks play an actual NFL team, they will be ready. It's kind of hard to judge how good the defense is, if the receivers are really that good at getting open, etc. against the inspired play of the St. Louis practice beach volleyball squad.

That being said, I enjoyed the 2nd half very much. If I had just watched only the 2nd half, I probably would have a much higher opinion of the ball club. Not that it matters, as we're still in the NFC West and the Cardinals look like their old selves again and probably won't be making their way to the superbowl.

My prediction after one game? We get 9 wins and a playoff berth. Or maybe more, if everyone stays healthy and Hasselbeck doesn't throw 4 interceptions a game.

Two more notes on the Rams:

• Their punter Donnie Jones is a stud. I wish he played for the Huskies. The talent level is probably about the same, so he might not notice.
• For all St. Louis' issues, I feel Greg Easterbrook's football gods will end up rewarding Steve Spagnola for not pansying out and kicking a meaningless field goal at the end of the game just to put a score on the board. He went for it on 4th, and you don't see attitudes like that very often. Hell, that might be the last time you see it from him, but I applaud the attempt. 

And finally, the call by Gus Johnson on the 87 yard tipped pass touchdown to win the game for the Broncos with 20 seconds left has achieved save until delete status on my dvr. Absolutely fantastic. If only every announcer could react in such a way. I could care less about the Broncos and I had my hands in the air and a ridiculous smile on my face. Amazing how one call can restore my joy in the game.

Dreaming about men doing things

A quick note on my fantasy football views, for all those interested. This year being my first in a fantasy league (Yahoo, which sucks balls), and while I've enjoyed my time, I've learned a few things.

Firstly, I care way too much about individual stats, opposing defenses, and whether or not a star player is getting along with his teammates in the locker room. All of this adds up to either wins or losses in the fantasy column, and highs or lows in the attitude column. Whereas I used to only be sad/depressed/disgusted when the Seahawks lost, I can now feel all of these things towards each and every individual player on my team when they don't perform, and compound the feeling if I lose my matchup because of this.

Secondly, I've discovered that I care a whole lot more about other football games. Before, they were just entertaining and another team only mattered if they were in the Seahawks' division. Now, I'm invested in every team I have a player on, making Sundays exponentially more exciting. Yes, I said exponentially.

Thirdly, I've tapped into the camaraderie shared by fantasy football (herein referred to as FF) players everywhere. Two out of three ain't bad.

An ESPN columnist wrote not long ago that he's certain FF has an infinitely more negative downside than positive, due to the fact that instead of rooting for just one team to win, you're focused on multiple players, increasing the variables and, for the glass half empty crowd, chances to lose. Add to the fact these variables increase one's difficulty in winning the league (you have a 1 in 8, 12, 0r 16 chance, whereas in the NFL your team has a 1 in 4 chance of winning the division, unless you're the Lions), and the frustration factor starts to climb onto the roof.

From this perspective, FF really isn't that sensible. I've been way too angry towards Favre, Moss, and Gore when they haven't performed this year, and conversely, pretty darn happy about Favre, Moss and Gore when they have. This brings up another point: Streaky, hit or miss kinds of players can wreak havoc on your sanity. Their upside is unlimited, but when they continually under perform, especially against statistically inferior teams, it's no-end-in-sight frustrating.

It also makes every week, every possession, way more meaningful than it's ever been. When you need someone's stats to pull ahead of your opponent, it's all about getting one specific player the ball, which is ridiculous for the overall strategy of a team game. You're basically rooting for something that is directly contradictory to winning, and therefore destined to be inherently maddening. It doesn't make sense, unless of course you like to gamble.

Conversely, if you're a positive thinker, there are just as many opportunities for things to go well. However, because life and football have conditioned us to expect to lose, most people will lean towards the negative in regards to FF. As I've had a few amazing last minute victories and am 1 win away from getting into the playoffs, I'm trying to stay positive. If, however, I were in last place I'm not so sure I would feel this way.

FF also has an ability to make someone certifiably crazy. People always harp on athletes for praising God for a win, or praying to beat someone. After 13 weeks in FF, I now know what this is like, and will never, EVER, make fun of an athlete with infinitely more on the line for praying in the closing minutes of a game. Last night I basically prayed for Steve Slaton to pull down 30 fantasy points, which I needed for a come from behind win. I didn't literally mouth the words to the great I Am, but I wished for it just as much as if I had actually written God a letter. And what happened? Slaton rolled to 30.2 points and I won to keep my playoff hopes alive. This isn't the first time this has happened, either.

And finally, now that I've come off as someone who lives in a padded room, I'll try to temper that by saying the best part of FF isn't the winning, it's the camaraderie. Or at least, it should be. In my league, I only know a couple of the guys, and no one trash talks, no one offers trades, no one rants about things, it's kind of lame. I was hoping for a lot more emailing back and forth, a bonding over numbers, if you will. Instead, it's allowed me to share the highs and lows with the guys I actually watch football with. What a concept. We might not be in the same league, but we're all going through the same emotions, sometimes with the same players. It adds to the fun, the suspense, the overall satisfaction I get from watching a game knowing we're all in the same metaphorical boat together. When Favre threw 6 touchdowns a few weeks back, I was sharing some overly joyous high fives with a buddy who also started him. And I really, REALLY don't care that much about Favre. In fact, he kind of annoys me.

So no matter what happens to me in my make-or-break head-to-head next week, I'll be signing up for FF next year. Perhaps even multiple leagues, if I have the time. But definitely not Yahoo.