Apple Juice Cup

It's Apple Cup week, which turns my attention every year to the fact that our wonderful in-state rivalry game has the stupidest name in sports.

Actually, Dick Trickle probably has the stupidest name in sports, but I don't think he's driving anymore and I don't really consider nascar a sport.

But seriously, the Apple Cup? It reeks of university presidents somewhere back in time checking names off a list of Washington exports. Maybe we could have had the salmon cup, or the onion cup, or the tree cup. Even the trophy is lame. It looks like a headstone for a dead apple. Plenty of other rivalries have much better names including: the Iron Bowl, the Backyard Brawl, the Border War, and even though I hate to admit it, the Civil War. Of course, the winner of the Civil War gets the Platypus Trophy, which has to be stupidest, ugliest, most embarrassing prize in the history of mankind, so I suppose it balances out. 

Really though, it resembles a 6th grader's 3rd place entry in woodshop. Like it was made by a drunk Helen Keller. Like a wood poop. I almost feel bad for the winner.

Granted, there are some pretty weak parties out there: the Battle for the Milk Can, The Battle of the Land Grants (really?), and the Crab Bowl Classic, but the Apple Cup just sounds blasé, bland, uninspired. Hell, the Army-Navy game has a nicer ring to it. You can find more not-so-awesome names here.

I propose we hold a contest to re-name this thing, and no pansy-ass, political state-centric ideas will be accepted. Maybe the City vs. the Bumpkins Game, or the Annual cougar Beat Down, or something. Anything is better than what we have right now, which sounds more like the apple juice in a sippy cup contest than a bitter rivalry.