COLD BLOODED!

Ouch, Dan Gilbert, ouch.

I don't follow the NBA anymore, but this has gotta sting. Especially after Gilbert's comments when LeBron left.

 

 You'll personally guarantee the Cavs will win a championship before the Heat, eh? Open mouth, insert whole self.

Good news everyone!

I woke up this morning to the news that Paul Wulff, the coach of the cougars, will be returning next year. Congratulations all around! This is like winning the Apple Cup twice in one weekend. If you didn't know, he's 5-32 as the cougars head coach.

I believe only 3 of those wins are against division I teams, including the winless Huskies 2 years ago. In spite of this, WSU feels like Wulff gives them the best chance to "Win championships." I'm not exactly sure which championships they are referring to.

Perhaps a soap box derby championship. Or an eating championship. Maybe they'll wise up, drop out of division I and go for a division III or high school championship. There's a lot of championships out there, that's for sure. I for one am very much excited about their possibilities.

Asked if the team supports Wulff, junior offensive lineman B.J. Guerra said, "Coach Wulff has grown on us all over the past three years."

Me too, B.J. Guerra, me too.

Apple Juice Cup

It's Apple Cup week, which turns my attention every year to the fact that our wonderful in-state rivalry game has the stupidest name in sports.

Actually, Dick Trickle probably has the stupidest name in sports, but I don't think he's driving anymore and I don't really consider nascar a sport.

But seriously, the Apple Cup? It reeks of university presidents somewhere back in time checking names off a list of Washington exports. Maybe we could have had the salmon cup, or the onion cup, or the tree cup. Even the trophy is lame. It looks like a headstone for a dead apple. Plenty of other rivalries have much better names including: the Iron Bowl, the Backyard Brawl, the Border War, and even though I hate to admit it, the Civil War. Of course, the winner of the Civil War gets the Platypus Trophy, which has to be stupidest, ugliest, most embarrassing prize in the history of mankind, so I suppose it balances out. 

Really though, it resembles a 6th grader's 3rd place entry in woodshop. Like it was made by a drunk Helen Keller. Like a wood poop. I almost feel bad for the winner.

Granted, there are some pretty weak parties out there: the Battle for the Milk Can, The Battle of the Land Grants (really?), and the Crab Bowl Classic, but the Apple Cup just sounds blasé, bland, uninspired. Hell, the Army-Navy game has a nicer ring to it. You can find more not-so-awesome names here.

I propose we hold a contest to re-name this thing, and no pansy-ass, political state-centric ideas will be accepted. Maybe the City vs. the Bumpkins Game, or the Annual cougar Beat Down, or something. Anything is better than what we have right now, which sounds more like the apple juice in a sippy cup contest than a bitter rivalry.

The beavers have lost my respect, and their capitals.

I know this is a week late, but I'm still boiling over it. The wazzoo yahoos beat a JV girls volleyball team. Maybe it was the freshman squad, or some of the JV girls had a slumber party the night before and got injured in a pillow fight over a Twilight argument, I dunno.

Anyway, freakin cougs. Really? You beat a Pac-10 team? Really? I suppose I should be more angry at Oregon State. Thanks for nothin, beavs. From hence, your name shall never be capitalized again. You have given up the honor of a capital letter in front of "eavers."

Can I be too disappointed? I mean, their mascot is a wood-eating wannabe marmot with a tail that looks like a dead belt. What the hell guys? What committee of epic geniuses decided this would make an inspiring sports representative? I thought my high school mascot was bad.

Quick fun fact: Did you know the beavs were a ranked team when the Huskies beat them in double OT this year? Yes, you heard correctly, the buck-toothed water lemmings had a national ranking less than 5 weeks ago. I'm not sure what this says about our team, or the expert analystical types who got fooled by a JV girls volleyball squad.

At least the Huskies put the smack down on the Bruins. See? Bruins is still capitalized. They even beat Texas. They also beat the cougs, which everybody and their stepmom was doing quite easily until the raggedy-ass soggybottom wombats showed the world what frauds they really are.

Jeez.

The cougars are so bad, it's good.

What gives me pleasure this fall, what with every team in Seattle either dead, gone, or both? That the cougs still suck too.

It's small comfort, and petty, but it's like a hot cup of cocoa on a snowy day. No matter how bad the Mariners, Seahawks, Huskies or my fantasy team get, the cougs are there to remind everyone that they're worse. Much worse. Warm, comforting cup of milk before bedtime with dreams of sugarplums in your head worse. It's nice, really.

Also, I have neglected my annual "Can the cougs beat a JV girls volleyball team" column. The answer is still no. They did keep it close with Cal this weekend, but still, no. Not unless the JV girls volleyball team is from Montana State, then possibly yes, but really, no.

Thank you, cougs, for making this decrepit sports season bearable. Barely.

Great story on Price

I had to re-post this Jerry Brewer article on Keith Price's day at Oregano, I mean Oregon. Two things I liked about it; First, Price's attitude, and second, Brewer's oh-so-accurate comment on Locker's tenure as a Husky. Yes, the following about sums it up...

"And so life without Jake Locker looked a lot like life with Jake Locker, which looked a lot like life immediately before Jake Locker."

Ouch, and dang.

Santa over Seahawks

Watching the Seahawks begs the question: what else could I be doing with my time?

You see, I do enjoy watching football, but the Seahawks don't really play football. They play a grown up version of tag, where no one tries to score and everybody runs around yelling and falling over themselves. If they did play football I would be way more interested, but as it is there hasn't been a whole lot of return on investment for my interest. Some players can be entertaining like Marshawn Lynch, who has a very scary last name and hits people like a drunk truck, but on the whole, meh.

We have a QB who is an old, bald, broken spokesperson for healthy bracelets, and a backup QB who apparently has more facial hair than talent.

You know what's interesting? Other teams, bunny rabbits, and commercials with fighting robots. I would love to have a fighting robot, I really would. I would use it to get parking spaces, free coffee, and Santa Claus. Not to beat up Santa mind you, but to make him take me to the North Pole to hang out with the elves and unicorns and drink cocoa and play with all the toys forever and ever.

You know what else is interesting? The graphic on the T.V. that says Hasselbeck: Inactive (head). I suppose if there is something wrong with your head you shouldn't be active.

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Down goes Machida! and unfortunate tattoos

Some notes on UFC 113:

First off, my congrats to the fans of Shogun Rua after a decisive victory against the Dragon. It was hard to see Machida lose that way, but at least there won't be controversy this time around.

Secondly, Paul Daley acted like a little bitch. It's called mixed martial arts for a reason, genius, so grow a ground game or quit complaining. I don't know if a lifetime ban was needed for his cheapshot after the bell, but it's apparent he needs a little more maturity in all facets of his career.

I was also pleased to see Marcus Davis come out with a convincing win, and the Stout/Stephens fight was entertaining. I do, however, want a portion of my money back after sitting through the 2 round joke that is Kimbo Slice. Hopefully he won't be back.

One more note: to guys that get enormous face tattoos on their biceps...was it your intention to make it look like you're kissing another guy while choking him?

This is somewhat creepy, and/or unintentionally homohilarious. Yes, I just made up a word.

Seattle is the new USC

I haven't posted in a while, but I had to share this. I have no idea if Carroll will be any good up here, but at least he has some personality. I also can't believe he agreed to do this, but since he's been replaced already, why not?

I can't imagine Mora pulling this off. Or Holmgren, for that matter.

This week's question: Can the cougs beat a J.V. girl's volleyball team?

Nope. Not anymore. Not when they can only muster 158 total yards. Yes, you read that correctly, 158 total yards, and just 51 yards passing. Ha! 51. Good grief.

How many first downs did they get, you ask? Four. Four first downs. Way to go wazzoos, you just got spiked on by a J.V. girls volleyball team.

They had 3 more turnovers, making their total 16 through 5 games. Good times. That comes out to 1 every 5 minutes, I believe. Let's start the Wulff watch right about yesterday, shall we? As in, how long before Paul Wulff gets shown the door to the cow paddy with nothing but a big blank spot in his resume?

Broncos, what?

The Broncos, yes, those Broncos, have officially become a team to watch. First the Stokely catch, and now Brandon Marshall's 51 yard TD. You don't see that everyday.

In other news, the Rams still suck.

I'd be writing much more about some of the great games today if I hadn't worked through all of them and started watching highlights at 11:30pm. Oh well. I'll be keeping my eye on the Chargers, Patriots, Ravens, Steelers, Saints, Giants and Colts this season. Really wish I wasn't working every weekend, cuz it promises to be a great year. You know, for teams not named the Seahawks.

Things that should have happened...

It's small comfort to say the Huskies could have beaten Notre Damn (yeah, that's an intentional spelling). Considering where they were last year, I should be relatively happy with their performance, but 3 goal line opportunities resulting in only 3 points? Not so much. That game should have been in the bag. We should have beaten them by 2 TD's, even if our defense forgot to tackle on a few plays. It doesn't help to know the refs blew the call on Polk's touchdown, & then blew another on ND's 2 point conversion.
Yes, the team is much better. Yes, Locker is incredibly clutch in the 2 minute offense. Yes, we have an incredibly tough schedule. Sure, sure sure. However, when you let one slip away, all those improvements aren't going to help you sleep at night.
The way this team has been playing, I would expect them to run roughshod over the Pac-10 & get into a bowl game. On the other hand, the way this team has been playing, I would expect them to finish with a sub-500 record.
We'll see.

Positive reinforcement

We need more stories like this. Hey media! More positive stories. Less T.O.

Catching up: Can the cougs beat a jv girls volleyball team?

Sorry, dear readers, for the lapse. I was in Canada, getting engaged. This, apparently, is what you do while in Canada.

Back to the cougs. Last week against an actual jv girls volleyball team, Southern Methodist, the cougs had to come from behind in the 4th quarter and pulled out a victory in overtime. So technically, yes, the cougs can beat a j.v.g.v.t. Good job cougs. Barely.

This week against USC, the cougs could not amass more than 6 points, which was 6 better than last year's total. USC is not the same team as last year, but they didn't exactly sweat it out against the wazzus, so this week's summation? WSU can no longer beat a j.v.g.v.t.

Oh, how fleeting this gridiron glory.

Next up, the Ducks, who are most certainly NOT a j.v.g.v.t. At least this year. Should be embarrassing.

Seahawks eat cupcakes for breakfast

After watching the Hawks opener on tape delay, I'm left with a couple of thoughts. One; things are not all right with Hasselbeck just quite yet, and two; the Rams still suck.

It's as if the Seahawks were a Division 1 football team who scheduled an NAIA school to come to town so they could run up the score, try some things out and generally not be tested at all until conference play started. Woohoo, what a show. Here's to the thought that when the Seahawks play an actual NFL team, they will be ready. It's kind of hard to judge how good the defense is, if the receivers are really that good at getting open, etc. against the inspired play of the St. Louis practice beach volleyball squad.

That being said, I enjoyed the 2nd half very much. If I had just watched only the 2nd half, I probably would have a much higher opinion of the ball club. Not that it matters, as we're still in the NFC West and the Cardinals look like their old selves again and probably won't be making their way to the superbowl.

My prediction after one game? We get 9 wins and a playoff berth. Or maybe more, if everyone stays healthy and Hasselbeck doesn't throw 4 interceptions a game.

Two more notes on the Rams:

• Their punter Donnie Jones is a stud. I wish he played for the Huskies. The talent level is probably about the same, so he might not notice.
• For all St. Louis' issues, I feel Greg Easterbrook's football gods will end up rewarding Steve Spagnola for not pansying out and kicking a meaningless field goal at the end of the game just to put a score on the board. He went for it on 4th, and you don't see attitudes like that very often. Hell, that might be the last time you see it from him, but I applaud the attempt. 

And finally, the call by Gus Johnson on the 87 yard tipped pass touchdown to win the game for the Broncos with 20 seconds left has achieved save until delete status on my dvr. Absolutely fantastic. If only every announcer could react in such a way. I could care less about the Broncos and I had my hands in the air and a ridiculous smile on my face. Amazing how one call can restore my joy in the game.

Sunday morning fb notes

Oh, how I forgot how stupid the talking voices can be. I swear, listening to football commentators can definitely make you more dumber. I would pay darn good money for a t.v. App that allows you to switch from the nationally backwards network spokespersons to the local radio coverage of either team. Either that, or have an alternate channel with articulate commentators that can dispense inside knowledge without using cliches and sounding like news anchors trying to convince us that a rainstorm is a national tragedy. Is that too much to ask?

Speaking of, I heard one announcer in the Broncos/Bengals game say that he wouldn't feel comfortable putting the ball in anyone's hands save for the QB in a 3rd and 2 situation. This was in reference to the wildcat. Really? Because the running back can't handle the ball? Because you wouldn't hand it off in a 3rd and short situation anyway? Good lord. Another genious in the Vikes/Browns game said "Favre is one of the all time great players of all time." Exact words.

Other quick notes:

• The Browns will not win the Superbowl when Eric Mangini can't trust his offense to get 3 yards on 4th down and would rather kick a field goal.
• Braylon Edwards is a stud.
• I hope Brett Favre suffers a season ending injury and goes away forever. Then, and only then will the Vikings be a "superbowl threat." Until then, I feel sorry for their defense, which will have to carry that team.
• Chad Johnson now officially Esteban Ocho Cinco? Awesome.
• Sideline reporters, still superfluous and unnecessary, except for Charissa Thompson, who is superfluous and necessary.

All for now, as I have to work soon. It's kind of like having to work on Christmas morning, which sucks, but needed if you have bills.

I would also like to have an app which would erase the necessity of having to pay bills.

Can the cougars beat a JV girls volleyball team?

I'm going to start a new weekly column titled, "Can the cougars beat a JV girls volleyball team?" where I will pose and try to answer the question, "Can the cougars beat a JV girls volleyball team?"

Tonight, dear reader, the answer is no. Sadly, if you're a cougar fan. Of course, if you are a cougar fan, why are you reading this? I have also determined not to capitalize the word cougar(s) until they show they can beat a JV girls volleyball team, which might be a while.

Today, the cougars came to Qwest to play a Hawaii team that supposedly was one of two possibly winnable games on their schedule. Seriously? The lower-case c's were down 35-6 at the half. The other game is next week against Southern Methodist, who hasn't won a game versus a Pac-10 team since before Methodists were invented.

I made up that last statement because I didn't feel like doing the research. You get the point, though. The cougars are so bad that Ohio State payed them $450,000 to get out of their match so they could play USC, a real college football team. Yes, you read that correctly. OSU payed the wazzus four hundred and fifty thousand American dollars NOT to play them (in real money!), as it would have made the Buckeyes look bad. They probably could have payed in Busch Light and received a satisfactory response.

In effect, the Buckeyes were saying loud and clear that they do not feel the cougars can beat a JV girls volleyball team. If the Buckeyes, a very smart and powerful actual college football team are saying it, I have no alternative but to agree with them. Even though they suck in large bowl games.

Huskies win! Huskies win! ( for the 1st time in 2 whole years)

Weeeeeeell, things is almost back to normal. The team beat an underdog opponent like a sack of potatoes in a rainstorm, but that hasn't happened in so long I almost forgot what it means. The offense rolled, the defense rolled over, and the special teams rolled around, but we still won handily.

In an odd turn of events, the Purple and Gold were outgained by an opponent, but still won. It appears we outgained an opponent last week, but lost. The Vandals passed all day on the Husky defense, but couldn't score touchdowns until it no longer mattered. Holding the visitors to field goals in the red zone is a positive, for all you half full glassers out there. Getting worked for 349 passing yards is a negative, for all you realists.

Also, it seems to be that our kicker, Mr. Folk, cannot send a kickoff more than 40 yards to save his ever-lovin ass. This will not be effective when playing teams named USC. Last week it was thought his short kickoffs were  a strategy to play keep away from one of the fastest dudes in D-1. Either he didn't get the memo that LSU left town, or he sucks. Time will tell. I know how large organizations tend to have inter-departmental communication issues, so we'll see.

The LSU game gave me hope that this team could compete with USC, possibly, possibly even win. I'm semi-crazy that way, and it's been a long time since I've had any happiness in my college football-related life. I overdosed on ridiculousness. After today's performance by the D, I have to say we could possibly, possibly get slaughtered. USC's true frosh QB beating Ohio State in Ohio Stadium tonight did not help my outlook.

What a weird start to the year. After a loss, I get hopeful. After a win, I get not hopeful. Well, not exactly. I still feel this team can post a winning record and get-maybe-to a bowl game. In any case, it will be much more fun to watch than the last 6 nightmarish seasons.

Game stats

The statistical breakdown for the LSU game was impressive for the Dawgs. Impressive because we beat them in every category. Unfortunately every category also includes penalties and turnovers. Here we go:

Team Stat Comparison
1st Downs	17	25
Total Yards	321	478
Passing	172	321
Rushing	149	157
Penalties	3-35	11-83
3rd Down Conversions	5-10	11-19
4th Down Conversions	0-0	1-1
Turnovers	1	2
Possession	23:08	36:52

As you can see, this is a very different team from last year. If it weren't for the turnovers, it could have been a favorable outcome for the Huskies. The stats tell the story, and the story is getting much, much better.